File sharing philistines

Eureka! I’ve finally discovered why the music industry is against file sharing applications.

If you’ve ever searched for your favorite band you’ll soon realize there are songs by them that you’ve never heard. If you’ve searched for a song you’ll discover that it was performed by someone you hadn’t expected. Let’s take a look:

I searched for “Blue Oyster Cult”. Wow, I didn’t realize they played the song “Ballroom Blitz”, oh wait, they didn’t. That song is by “Sweet”, from their 1975 album “Desolation Boulevard”, you boneheads.

Bah, let’s try “Steppenwolf”. “Wherewolfs[sic] of London”?!?!?! What the???!?!??!?!?! That’s by Warren Zevon from the 1978 album “Excitable Boy” you dim whits!

Let’s not mention that every funny song no matter who wrote it is either attributed to Weird Al Yankovic or Frank Zappa.

Gah! No wonder Metallica went nutso over the whole Napster ordeal. They’d probably be listed with “The One” by “The Backstreet Boys”. (Yes, I’m saying Metallica lost their edge when they lost the indomitable Cliff Burton. RIP Cliff. ๐Ÿ™ )

Have you people learned nothing from election year main stream media? CHECK YOUR FACTS!

Notice to:
The Crazy Rants of Samantha Brown (no relation to “The Crazy World of Arthur Brown“)
Lorraine’s Stuff
The Controversial Cat
JIF
Stick-on Stickers
The Periwinkle Frog

Unmarried couple or hippies?

I submitted this article to The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns and it quickly sunk to the depths of page two. I may as well put it here as well. I don’t post as often as Sam does. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Here’s a story about Black Jack, MO. Apparently, in Black Jack, you are not allowed to live in the same house with more than two other people that you are not related to through blood, marriage or adoption.

Olivia Shelltrack and Fondray Loving have been together for 13 years and have three children, ages 8, 10 and 15, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports.

Living together for 13 years? 3 children? Hmmm, I wonder what the children’s names are … I’m betting on something like Sunflower, Patchouli and Garcia. This whole situation has the stink of hippies all over it.

‘This is about the definition of family, not if they`re married or not,’ Mayor Normal McCourt said. ‘It`s what cities do to maintain the housing and to hold down overcrowding.’

Mayor McCourt may be trying to be over politically correct by saying that. Let’s get it straight. Black Jack, Missouri is on to something here. It’s not about defining family, preventing crack houses or overcrowding, it’s about STOPPING HIPPIES plain and simple. Think about it, hippies congregate for a number of reasons:

  • smoking pot
  • free love
  • smoking pot
  • smoking something other than pot
  • stinking up the place
  • saving the whales
  • making babies with dumb names
  • and smoking pot

(You don’t think they went to all of those Greatful Dead concerts for the music do you?)

This law in Black Jack, MO prevents the hippie commune and by extension prevents the hippie!

I offer a proud salute to the board of adjustment in Black Jack, MO for helping to put an end to the hippie once and for all.

God bless you Black Jack.

Why I am the way I am (part II)

Grade: Kindergarten

Age: 4

Just before Christmas break Miss McNanny gave us a full day of recess. We were allowed to just play or take a nap or do anything we wanted all day long. It was pretty awesome especially to a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds (and one 7 year old that just couldn’t get out of grade K for some reason). For snack she brought us all a treat.

Cracker Jacks

Wow, what is this? Something I’ve never had before. I looked at the box…hmmm? Popcorn? I love popcorn! Peanuts? Yummy!!! All covered in SUGAR?!?!? Heaven!!! and we each got a WHOLE BOX!

I savored each piece. Oh, man! What a treat.

Then I heard a buzz about the room.

“What did you get?” asked one little girl to another.

A bunch of “Ooh! Neat!”s and “Wow!”s were bandied about.

I had no idea what was going on. Then someone asked me what I got in my box. I happily exclaimed on a slight sugar high “Popcorn and peanuts all covered in sugar! GLEE!!! *drool*”

“No, I mean what was your prize?” she asked.

“Prize? What prize?”

She showed me her little plastic toy, if I remember correctly it was a red plastic charm for a necklace in the shape of a dangerously pointed star, you know something that just belongs near your jugular vein.

“I didn’t get a prize” I said through a droopy frown face and I sat down and tore my little box of empty goodness into little pieces hoping my prize was somehow hidden in one of the flaps. No dice.

One kid in all of history received nothing from a box of Crackerjacks and that was me.

After watching the others joyously playing with their wonderful prizes I got up the nerve to tell Miss McNanny about my dilemma.

“Miss McNanny, I didn’t get no [sic] prize” I almost sobbed.

“Are you sure?” she asked, “Everyone gets a prize in Crackerjacks.”

I showed her the pieces of my box and explained that it never left my sight so no one could have taken it without me knowing. It just wasn’t there.

“I think you’re the only person ever to get a prizeless box of Crackerjacks,” she mused.

My eyes teared up. (Hey, I was only 4!) Miss McNanny pulled me aside and said, “Here, you can have mine if you don’t tell anyone I gave it to you. They’ll think you got it in your box so don’t tell them any differently.”

“Yes, ma’am,” I said. She winked at me and gave me a little pouch. I smiled back at her to let her know I was in on the big scam. “I won’t tell anyone,” I said.

I tore into the pouch and eyed my prize. It was a little clear green magnifying glass that didn’t really magnify anything, it just made things look green. *sigh* I ended up throwing it away with my torn up box and sitting down and sulked the rest of the day with the 7 year old kid. He was sulking anyway but just because that’s what he did. He didn’t have a reason.

I wonder how many other kids never got a prize in their Crackerjacks. Oh, yeah. Zero. It’s just me.

Lesson learned: People will always share if what they’re sharing is crappy.

Trackbacked to:
Freedom Watch
Those Bastards!
The Liberal Wrong Wing
Common Folk Using Common Sense
The Conservative Cat
NIF
History Mike’s Musings
Diane’s Stuff
The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
Quietly Making Noise
Mental Rhinorrhea
Right Wing Nation

So let it be written. So let it be done!

Samantha Burns
Samantha Burns has posted her Ten Commandments of Blogging

Number 10 is my favorite:
Thou shalt make an attempt to use proper grammar and spelling.

All of these “commandments” are necessary if you intend for anyone to take you seriously. This all reminds me of my first blog entry which happened before I knew about proper blog software (I used phpBB with a portal page :roll:). Here it is:

Trouble in Blogland

*Sigh*

I think there may be 3 good blogs on all the internets and the rest are yours. Of those three, two of them are by the same person (I recognized the canine photographs). *note – Rachel Lucas and Blue Eyed Infidel now seem to be defunct and The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns and Diane’s Stuff have replaced them in my life.

Let me ask the rest of you some questions. Help me understand. Do you really believe that the world needs to know how much you drank last weekend or about your wonderful sun-shiny day or about the person for whom you have genital tremblings? (They won’t read your blog either because you’re creepy and weird and probably a stalker.)

If I read another story that starts “I don’t know what to write today…” I am most likely going to snap and start building a fallout shelter in the back yard. Here’s a hint for you, if you don’t know what to write, write NOTHING! If you have nothing to say, say NOTHING! If you have no life, start a blog.

Perhaps the neo-bloggers (I think if you put "neo" in front of a word it makes it a label of shame, at least that’s what it seems to have become, at least that is how I am using it right there) think they should post their experiences because they are unique. Well, they are unique, just like everyone else. The difference between the good blogs and yours is the good bloggers are unique in their own way. Imagine that. Having something original to say or observing the world in a comedic way should be a requisite but unforutunately it is rare.

Oh, another thing:

Nobody cares. That the American elections. Didn’t go. Your way!

Really! America elected the President again, getting over it is the only mature and sane thing you could possibly do. THE ONLY! (Besides John Kerry is creepy and weird and probably a stalker.)

If I read another story that starts “America, what have you done?” or “I can’t believe it…” or “We’re sorry terrorists…” I AM going to snap and start building a fallout shelter in the back yard. I have a shovel and I know how to use it.

I must say that the blog is not the worst political forum, that honor goes to the music industry. Do rock stars really think that people listen to them? Well, let’s look:

Bush: 286 electoral votes / Kerry: 252 electoral votes

Ooh, sorry Bruce Springsteen. Sorry Queensryche. I’ll bet your distribution companies wish they had put a clause in your contracts barring you from alienating over half of your audience. Just raise your fist, blame Bush and fade into anonymity. Before you go, could you do me a favor? Take the computer away from Barbra Streisand’s butler. I don’t even want to be tempted to read the blog she makes him type.

How to cut your customer base in half

It is one thing for a regular guy/gal to post their political leanings online for all to see but completely another thing for a professional company to do it and openly, as a company, support one candidate over another. Well, you can do it but you are going to alienate half of your customer base (slightly more than half if you endorse a democrat/slightly less than half if you endorse a republican/nobody will listen or care if you endorse the green party).

The Portland, Oregon based Leatherman Tool Group, Inc. comes to mind. When news (*note – it seems that oregonlive.com has pulled this news story from their archives) of Tim Leatherman throwing his company’s name into the Kerry campaign hat hit the sportsman forums an email campaign of sorts began. Come on, really. A company that builds tools for hunters and other sportsmen supporting a candidate with a 100% anti-gun voting record? *sigh* Not too smart if you ask me. Now, I am not saying (nor was anyone on the sportsman forums) that the president of a company can not have a political leaning, nor am I saying that he can not give his own money to one party or another but to put the company name on an endorsement is just asking for trouble for himself and his employees.

Add to the mix a few snide email replies, blaming “boycotters” for making the “employees suffer” and a right-wing conspiracy theory and you have gone from political leaning to mad rambling.

The truth of the matter is you can say anything you want. So can everybody else (which is unfortunate for those that read blogs). You are free to endorse a candidate with your company. You are also free to go broke. When people speak with their dollars is when companies should listen. Taking a “so be it” attitude instead shows that you don’t care for the customers or your employees.

Along with companies, professional individuals with blogs often fall into the same category. All too often these otherwise intelligent individuals will post a link to an extreme radical’s webpage. It is some sort of intellectual schizophrenia as I would consider some of those I read pure genius in one area and completely out of touch in another as if two separate people are writing at the same time.

There you have it. My first blog entry from April 14th, 2005. I figured that the Kerry camp would have let this go by now. Fat chance, huh?

Trackbacked to:
Diane’s Stuff
The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns
Third World County
Stuck on Stupid
The Conservative Cat
Don Surber
NIF
Right Wing Nation
Gribbit’s World

A gift from Mom

Today day my Mom gave me a nice present. She let me upgrade her iMac from OS 9 (with IE/Mac as her default browser) to OS X (with Safari).

Mom and change do not go together very well but she took to OS X quite well. That 400MHz G3 was partying like it was 1999. Yeah, the old Lime Green is kinda old but it’s served her well (it served me well, too, before it was her’s).

Now that she’s using Safari everyone around the world can stop hacking their web pages to work for IE/Mac. I’m pretty sure she was the last person on earth using it.

If anyone out there is actually still using IE/Mac please read this.

Thanks Mom. I’m proud of you.

ANNOUNCEMENT: 2005 MOTY Results

This years MOTY Award goes to…

…Oh, this is no surprise, Cindy Sheehan.

Cindy Sheehan accepting the Moron of the Year award for 2005

She is not considered the Moron of the Year because she lost her hero of a son but because she continually shames him in the typical moonbat way and protests that for which he willingly gave his life.

Sheehan was the founder of Camp Moonbat in Crawford, Tejas and held many “book signings” where many photographers showed up but no one came for books or signatures.

Congratulations Ms. Sheehan. You’ve earned it.

George Bush forces moron to smoke

Out of Iraq Day Event in New York City – PDA

Actor Sean Penn added to the enthusiasm of the day by stressing that all of the nation’s anti-war activism was taking hold and was starting to workรขโ‚ฌโ€while admitting that the stress of living under the current administration was making it tough for him to quit smoking.

Of course George Bush makes us all smoke just like he makes us all Christians by “shoving his religion down our throats”. That must be why every single American is a Christian smoker.

Sean Penn ->is laughed at by <- smart people.

Built to sell out

Oh, goodness!!! ๐Ÿ™„

I marked this “Humor” but actually it is sad.

Black Eyed Peas to Headline Honda Tour

TORRANCE, Calif. – The hip-hop group Black Eyed Peas will headline the sixth annual Honda Civic Tour and help the automaker promote its new gas-electric hybrid model by giving away a customized car, which the group will help design.

OK, who wants a car designed by a pseudo-rap-funk-pop-group/studio-creation?

*crickets chirp*

Hopefully both the car and the group will fade into anonymity soon. I know that’s too much to ask for though.

Linked to:
The Crazy Rants of Samatha Burns
Right Wing Nation
The Uncooperative Blogger
Stop the ACLU
Point Five
Wizbang

The Crazy Rants of Samantha Burns: 2005 MOTYs

Voting for The MOTYs begins today, January 4 and will end on January 11; results posted January 13th.

Get your votes in!

One vote per person so make it count.

Your choices for Moron of the Year 2005 are:

  • Sean Penn
  • Martha Stewart
  • Tara Reid
  • Boy George
  • Michelle Kosinski
  • Madonna
  • Cindy Sheehan
  • Ashlee Simspon
  • Mary Mapes
  • OJ Simpson
  • Pamela Anderson
  • Anna Nicole Smith
  • Saddam Hussein
  • Michael Jackson
  • Janeane Garofalo

Oh, gracious! I’d love to pick them all. This is going to be really hard. Anna Nicole Smith is clearly the most vacuous and Saddam Hussein is more of a douchebag. Sean Penn’s rescue attempt (with photographer in tow) may just give him my vote. If Nancy Pelosi were on the list she would have my vote no matter who else was on the list. If you want someone that “just doesn’t get it” it is Nancy Pelosi. I’m so glad I live far, far away from anything that she presides over.